Compare and Contrast
by kaela097
Summary: As an anniversary approaches, Blair finds herself reflecting on her youth.


**It's been awhile, but I wanted to add this in celebration of the Limoversary. I hope you enjoy. **

**This is a continuation of my long running Chuck and Blair saga. Timeline wise this would take place between 'Through a Child's Eyes' and 'Second Time Around'.**

**If you want more Chuck and Blair stories, you'd better let me know.**

Blair was sitting in her office, twisting her wedding ring around her finger as she stared at a blank sheet of paper. Though she'd returned to work a little over a year after giving birth to her daughter, she was still getting into the groove of things, working only a few days a week. Today was supposed to be one of her days off, but she surprised her husband and her staffers by heading into the office.

Today was her 'anniversary', just not an anniversary that she and her husband celebrated, nor one she would ever fully acknowledge. Today was the anniversary of her cotillion. So many years ago, she came out in society as a woman. It was also the day that she and Nate had sex for the first time, the day that she supposedly lost her virginity to him.

There was a knock on her door that disturbed her thoughts. In walked an obscenely large bouquet of white roses.

"Chuck," Blair thought with an amused smirk as the roses were set at her desk by her assistant.

The card was short and sweet, "I love you."

Blair felt her insides melt. This was one of so many reasons that she knew she'd married the right man a few years ago as her mind flashed back to one of her most memorable moments:

_His lips were soft and gentle as Blair's pressed against him. "Are you sure?" Chuck whispered as Blair inched across the leather seat, her hand reaching for his before she slid into his lap._

"_I've never been so sure," was Blair's breathy reply as her lips sought his again. She allowed herself to be carried away by the moment, allowed his hands to feel her everywhere, allowed him to strip her bare. She felt like a treasure when he took a few moments to take her in. Being naked before him, before any man for the first time, should have been awkward, but she never felt more beautiful as the lust in his eyes grew._

_When the moment came, she'd never seen his eyes so gentle, his concern so genuine as he vowed to take care of her and make the moment good for her. It was that moment that told her that she was different that so many others he'd been with._

_There were fleeting moments of pain as he took her, but they were quickly replaced by fire and passion. He devoured her. In turn she savored him._

_In the moments after, he helped her redress, stole kisses, caressed her still exposed skin, and made her feel so at ease with the moment._

"_I won't tell anyone," he vowed as the limo stopped in front of her building, and in that moment she believed him. She gave in for one more long, soulful kiss before she stepped from the limo into her building. She didn't have one negative thought about what she'd done until the next morning when the soreness set in._

"Got my flowers, did you?" she could practically see his smirk through the phone when he answered.

"Embarrassingly large comes to mind," she toyed with him, "What's the occasion?"

"Does a man need an occasion to send his wife flowers?" he bantered with her as he cradled his young daughter in his arms as she slept soundly.

"A typical husband would wait until he'd done something wrong," she replied, "So out with it, Chuck. What did you do?"

"I didn't _do _anything," he laughed.

"Chuck, there are a hundred rosebuds on my desk that tell me different," she stated.

"Only a hundred, I guess five hundred dollars doesn't buy as much as it used to," he grumbled.

"Chuck, I came into the office today to get some work done, and you have to go interrupting it," her impatience with him began, "Out with it. What are the roses for?"

"For each moment that Charlotte and I have missed you since you left this morning," he didn't miss a beat.

Again Blair's insides melted. "I don't deserve you."

"Charlotte and I are anxiously waiting for your return," Chuck vowed as his daughter announced to her parents that she was awake with a sudden outburst.

"Put the phone to her ear," Blair requested, "I want her to hear my voice."

Chuck did as she requested.

"Hi, my darling baby girl," Blair cooed, "Mommy misses you so much. I'll be home soon, and then we can spend the rest of the day tormenting Daddy."

"I heard that, Blair," he scolded her as he returned the phone to his ear.

"I thought you might be listening in," she giggled.

"You mentioned something about being home soon," he pointed out, "I thought you were spending the entire day at the loft. If you're afraid I can't handle Charlotte by myself for an entire day, you are sorely mistaken."

"Is that so?" she chuckled, "I don't know, Chuck. She's a handful, especially when she's toddling around. She gets into everything these days, and she's too adorable to scold."

"She is indeed," Chuck replied as Charlotte repeatedly reached out for the communication device, trying to bring it closer so she could hear her mother's voice clearly.

"I won't be much longer," Blair assured him, "Truthfully, I'm not getting much done here anyways. Designer's block, I guess."

"We'll be waiting," he vowed.

Blair sighed as she set her phone down and tried to come up with a productive design. She hated to think that her day away from her daughter and husband was for nothing. She looked at the flowers again, spun her rings around her finger, and then looked at the date of the calendar. She was once again transported back to her teenage years.

_Nate caught Blair in a moment of weakness, crying about her ruined cotillion and being utterly humiliated. His tenderness towards her made her remember the good times, and the way he came to her 'defense' was so hot when he punched out Carter Baizen. She'd never seen that side of him before. Suddenly they were kissing and it felt like they'd never been apart._

_In the hotel room that Nate had 'conveniently' acquired prior to the start of cotillion, they fumbled towards the bed. Clothes came away in an awkward manor. The kissing was good but the way Nate touched felt rough. He lacked any understanding of how a woman really wanted to be touched. There was no finesse, no tenderness. When he pulled away to look at Blair once their clothes were tossed aside, there wasn't that treasured feeling. He was simply a horny teenager proclaiming her to be 'hot'._

_The actual act was quick and painless. Blair tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. He simply didn't have the experience, but there weren't the fireworks, there wasn't the passion. She hoped he'd get better with practice._

"_That was really good," was Nate's reply as he rolled out of bed almost as quickly as the moment ended for him and began redressing._

"_Yeah, that was great," Blair lied, rolling her eyes as his back was turned._

"_Did you…?" he trailed off as he turned towards her, his cheeks turning crimson as he couldn't get the question out._

"_Did I?" she prompted him._

"_Orgasm," he whispered, his cheeks now inflamed._

"_Uh…I don't think so," Blair shook her head. She'd known the sensation. Nothing she'd experienced with Nate could qualify as such. Nate frowned in disappointment. "…But that's not uncommon for a woman's first time. I'm sure it was me."_

"_We should get back down to the ballroom," Nate suggested as he picked up her dress and undergarments and handed them back to her. She was a bit surprised that he didn't throw the garments at her._

"_I thought you were kicked out," Blair stated as she started redressing._

"_I'm sure we can talk our way back in," he smirked, "Unless you're not feeling up to it."_

"_Up to it?" she asked in confusion._

"_You're sore, aren't you?" _

_Blair was genuinely surprised by his concern. He certainly hadn't been during the act. She was almost thankful for her previous experience, or she'd most likely be a mess of tears right now. _

"_Chalk one up for sleeping with Chuck Bass," she thought as she slipped back into her dress._

"_I didn't hurt you, did I?"_

_Everything about the moment felt suddenly wrong. There were supposed to be flowers, candlelight, and romantic music. Nate was supposed to be holding her close, giving her comfort, making her feel cherished. All she could think was, "Wham, Bam, Thank You, Ma'am." It was like he couldn't get into his clothes and out of the door fast enough._

_Blair fumbled for a reply as she zipped herself into the dress. She managed a quick shake of her head._

_Nate pulled her out of the room just as she managed to slip back into her shoes, and that was it. Her supposed first time was over._

Blair shook her head as the scene flitted out of her mind. "Stupid Nate," she muttered as she decided to pack up her belongings and head home. Her husband would most definitely make her forget the disappointing evening from her past.

"Leaving so soon, Blair," her college friend and trusted creative manager, Riley, approached her as Blair was making her way to the elevator.

"I'm not getting anything done," Blair sighed as she directed her assistant to help her get the bouquet of roses to the lobby so she could take them home with her.

"Missing that cute little girl of yours," Riley concluded, "Do you have any recent pictures?"

"Only about a hundred," Blair pulled out her phone and happily showed off her daughter.

"You should bring her in next time you," Riley suggested.

"I really should," Blair agreed.

* * *

><p>"Look who's home," Chuck directed their daughter towards her mother as she toddled around with her father's hand as her support. Though she'd been walking on her own for a few months, there were days when she wanted parental support when she toddled. Today had been one of those days.<p>

Charlotte let out a happy squeal of "Mommy" as she moved towards her mother as fast as her little legs would carry her.

"Put those on the table," Blair directed the doorman to set down the flowers before she darted towards Charlotte and scoped her up, "There's my little girl. Did you and Daddy have a good day?"

Charlotte giggled as her mother tickled her stomach as Chuck tipped the doorman and ushered him into the elevator.

"I missed you," Blair smiled as she pecked at her daughter's cheeks.

"She missed you," Chuck assured her as he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind as he kissed her cheek in greeting. He was over the days of being disappointed by being the second person Blair would greet when she returned home from her days out.

Charlotte nestled into her mother's embrace, her head resting on Blair's shoulder.

"Has she had her afternoon nap yet?" Blair inquired as the trio swayed back and forth rhythmically.

"She wasn't tired until now," he replied.

"Let's put you down," Blair cooed to the little girl as she rubbed her back softly, "It's nap time, isn't it, Charlotte?"

With Charlotte tucked in, Blair pulled Chuck into the bedroom.

"You left in quite a hurry this morning," Chuck allowed himself to be tossed onto the bed as she quickly climbed over him, "Everything alright?"

"Everything is wonderful," she assured him as she began biting at his neck, "Especially with the wonderful man that I married."

"And I love that you married me," he smirked as his hands cupped her buttocks and brought her in closer against him as she used every trick in her arsenal to seduce him, "Not that I'm not loving this little seduction, but what has you all hot and bothered?"

"It starts with those one hundred exquisite roses in the entryway," Blair muttered in between bites of his neck. She didn't care if she left marked, and she knew he didn't either, even with the holidays approaching and all the parties and benefits it brought with it, even with the dinner party they were hosting that evening.

"Flowers aren't anything new," he pointed out.

"Shhh, no more talk," she pressed her fingers to his lips, "Be my husband, right now. Devour me."

"Gladly," he spun her under him.

* * *

><p>"That's an impressive floral display, Blair," Serena noted as she arrived with her newest boyfriend, or rather her former boyfriend, or whatever they currently were. Dan had returned to New York recently after his life-altering quest to find himself. His head had spun with everything he'd returned to, mostly Chuck and Blair living in domestic bliss with a daughter. He and Serena were spending time together, but both refused to define their current relationship. "What did Chuck do wrong?"<p>

"Absolutely nothing," Blair smiled as she hugged her best friend in greeting before acknowledging Dan, "Hi, Dan."

"That's hard to believe," Serena replied as she took in the flowers once again, "That's a lot of roses for not doing anything wrong."

"It's call being romantic," Blair insisted, "Humphrey, take notes."

"Notes from Chuck Bass, I'll pass," Dan responded with the sarcasm dripping with his reply.

"You have been away for quite awhile," Serena pointed out, "Chuck's not the same womanizing scoundrel he was in high school."

"I'd hope not," Dan replied.

"Where's my goddaughter?" Serena asked eagerly.

"Getting a bath," Blair stated, "She was Little Miss Messy when I fed her dinner. I'm sure the proud papa will have her washed, dried and presentable shortly."

"So Eric is bringing along that nurse he's been seeing. It sounds pretty serious. They've been together for over a year now. That's a record for him," Serena stated, "And Nate and Vanessa are looking pretty serious themselves."

"Yep, everyone seems happy these days," Blair agreed, "It's actually a little unsettling considering our turbulent youth."

"That's because there is no more Gossip Girl," Serena insisted, "She hasn't posted anything in forever. It's almost as if she fell of the face of the earth."

"Sadly, I think things would have been just as turbulent without Gossip Girl," Blair sighed, "We were looking for a way to make our lives more exciting."

"Boy, did we get one," Serena rolled her eyes before she reverted back to their original conversation, "So the flowers?"

"Are a thoughtful gesture, nothing more," Blair insisted.

"I thought he was trying to make amends for how he ruined your cotillion all those years ago. It was today, remember," Serena replied.

"Really, I guess I forgot," Blair feigned innocence, "That was all so long ago."

"What was so long ago?" Chuck inquired as he carried his pajama-clad daughter into the entryway to greet her godmother.

"Rena!" Charlotte exclaimed as her arms outstretched towards her.

"There's my princess," Serena scooped her into her arms, "And you've almost got it. Say Serena."

"Rena," Charlotte repeated, not hearing the difference that Serena was trying to stress.

"She can say Grandpere. How is that easier to say than Serena?" she kissed her niece's cheek.

"Grandpere has put in an awful lot of time teaching her that one word," Chuck explained as he nibbled on his daughter's outstretched hand.

"Why are you all dressed for bed, Princess?" Serena cooed in the little girl's ear, "Aren't you joining us for dinner, Sweetie?"

"It's a little past this angel's bedtime already," Blair chimed in, "But she gets to see all her favorite people before she's put to bed for the night."

"We'll try to keep it down," Serena told her goddaughter.

"There's the belle of the ball," Nate greeted his goddaughter as soon as he stepped off the elevator. Blair, Chuck, Serena and Dan all played a backseat to Charlotte where Nate was concerned.

Charlotte squealed with delight as Nate spun her in circles as he nuzzled at her cheek.

"Nate, don't get her too worked up," Blair warned him, "She needs to go to sleep soon."

"She'll be no trouble, will you, Peanut," he kissed her nose as he continued to dance around with Charlotte in his arms.

"He won't dance with me, but he'll dance with a one year old," Vanessa smiled as she watched the pair.

"She's a very forgiving dance partner," Blair replied.

"And she's too short for him to dance on her toes," Serena chimed in with a snicker.

"He never was very good at keeping his feet to himself," Blair added with a snicker of her own.

"Everyone's a critic," Nate responded.

"You took the same dance classes as Chuck, how is it that you still have two left feet and Chuck is a regular Fred Astaire?" Blair inquired.

"I'm not that good," Chuck snorted.

"When compared to Nate, yes you are," Blair offered.

"But you're not bias," Nate chimed in.

"Point taken," Blair conceded.

The elevator chimed the arrival of Eric and his boyfriend.

Having her fill of Nate, Charlotte reached for her uncle, who was eager to take her.

"Belle of the ball is right," Serena laughed as Eric and his boyfriend cooed over the little girl, "It used to bother me when someone else was the center of attention."

"It's easy to let a baby take the spotlight," Blair replied as she stepped in to take her daughter when she started to show signs of fussiness, "Wave good night, Sweetheart."

Charlotte waved her hand slightly as Blair carried her off to bed as Chuck stepped in to play host to the dinner party, offering drinks to the guests.

"Dan, have you met Magnus?" Eric inquired.

"Haven't had the pleasure," Dan stated.

"Dan is my sister's…actually, I'm not sure what you are right now, Dan," Eric fumbled for a response.

"Old friends that are still trying to figure things out," Dan replied.

"Dan's been doing a lot of work in Africa the past few years," Eric explained.

"Did you and Serena meet when she was working with the Peace Corps?" Magnus inquired.

"We go back much further than that," Dan responded.

"He's Rufus's son," Eric explained.

"That's…um…" Magnus fumbled.

"Weird, you can say it," Serena laughed.

"Welcome to the Upper East Side," Eric chimed in.

"I thought you grew up in Manhattan, Magnus," Chuck looked at Magnus curiously.

"Upper West," Magnus explained, "Apparently not as dramatic from what Eric has told me. We were aware of this Gossip Girl in my school, but it wasn't a regular part of our lives like Eric said it was at Constance and Saint Judes."

"You didn't miss much," Chuck replied, "Less drama perhaps."

"We had enough of our own," Magnus chuckled, "When I came out, you would have thought I had a communicable disease or something."

"It wasn't much of a picnic for me either," Eric chimed in, "But everyone here was very supportive."

"Still are," Serena added as she hugged her brother.

Blair entered the room with Charlotte in her arms.

"Um, Blair, weren't you supposed to leave the baby in her room?" Nate chimed in.

"And if she didn't holler and carry on every time I tried to leave her alone, I would have," Blair replied as she passed her daughter to her husband, "Maybe she'll go down for you."

"She just doesn't want to miss all the fun," Chuck bounced her gently as he brought her head to rest against his chest as he tried to soothe her to sleep.

"Are we sure that's Chuck Bass?" Dan asked his best friend, Vanessa, as he observed the father with his daughter.

"Quite the shock to the system, isn't it?" Vanessa laughed softly, though it wasn't a sight she was unfamiliar with. Since she'd resumed dating Nate almost a year ago, dinners with Chuck and Blair were a fairly regular occurrence, and seeing Charlotte looking so comfortable in Chuck's arms was old news to her.

The dinner party continued with Charlotte being an extra guest at the dinner table as she still refused to be laid down even though she nodded off against her father's shoulder.

"So Serena reminded me of something today," Nate found Blair in Chuck's study pouring herself a drink while the party carried on in the living room, "Happy Anniversary, Blair."

"What anniversary?" Blair played it coy as she took a drink from her glass of scotch. It was a rare occurrence, but there were times were she couldn't get through a 'happy' gathering without the extra kick of alcohol. Today felt like one of those days.

"It's the anniversary of your cotillion," Nate reminded her, "Which means it's also the anniversary of our first time, so…"

"Oh, well, then Happy Anniversary to you too," Blair downed her drink quickly and poured herself another.

"You didn't forget, did you?" Nate concluded as he watched her down the second and then pour herself the third.

"No," Blair shook her head as she swirled the alcohol in her glass around, "For some reason, I remembered this year, when I've never bothered to remember before."

"Does Chuck know?"

"That we've had sex, yes," Blair concluded, "That today is the anniversary, I doubt it."

"So those flowers in the foyer aren't him trying to make you forget?"

"I doubt it," Blair replied.

"It was a night to remember," Nate stated.

Blair wanted to put him in his place and tell him exactly how she much she wished the night had never happened, but it felt wrong so she said nothing. He was her first boyfriend, supposedly her first everything. She couldn't hurt him that way. She simply nodded and left the room quickly, praying the night would end soon.

Charlotte started to get cranky, having woken after dinner and was now vocalizing her displeasure. Her fussiness was just the thing needed to start chasing away their dinner guests.

"It's getting late," Serena was the first to suggest it was time to go as she kissed her niece's chubby yet cranky cheek before passing her off to Blair.

Chuck grabbed the drink from Blair to free up her hands, his surprise showing as he took a drink from her glass to discover it was from his special private stock, usually kept locked up, even away from present company.

"Be a good girl, Charlotte," Eric and Magnus stepped forward to each kiss a cheek.

Charlotte was rubbing at her eyes as tears trickled down. She wanted quiet. She wanted sleep. She wanted her parents' undivided attention. When Nate stepped in to kiss her cheek, Charlotte shoved him away. She was done being the showpiece for the night. Vanessa wisely kept her distance.

Chuck walked everyone to the elevator as Blair turned towards Charlotte's bedroom.

"I should be scolding you for being such a pouty princess tonight," Blair told her daughter as she laid her down. Charlotte didn't fight her this time as she held her mother's hand tight. "But you made the evening bearable and chased everyone out when Mommy needed everyone gone. You really are a mini-me."

"Mommy needed everyone gone," Chuck spoke up as he entered the bedroom and wrapped his arms around her waist, "Tonight's dinner was your idea."

"And it was a bad idea," she replied.

"You unlocked my private stock," he pointed out, "Is something wrong? Did something happen at the loft? Is it something I did, or didn't do?"

"I'm not pregnant," her voice broke as the emotions of her news began to spill out.

"That's okay," he assured her, brushing her hair away from her neck to begin nuzzling, "You just went off your birth control."

"It happened right away with Charlotte," Blair pointed out as she caressed Charlotte's soft hand as the tot slept.

"We'll just have to redouble our efforts," he whispered against her skin, "I'm game if you are."

"I'm just disappointed, I guess," she sighed, "We want another child so badly…I want another child so badly."

"We both do," Chuck agreed, "But there is no need to put any pressure on yourself. It will happen when it's supposed to happen."

"There's something else bothering me," she confessed.

"Tell me," he requested.

"Today is an anniversary of sorts," Blair explained, "For me and Nate."

"And anniversary of what?" Chuck inquired before the thought occurred to him, "Oh, I see."

"I don't even know why I thought of it," she began a ramble, "I've never cared much before. I just happened to look at the calendar this morning when we got that invite for cotillion this weekend. I guess the invite jogged my memory of what today was, and then it drifted to what happened with me and Nate that night."

"That was partly my fault that night," Chuck replied, "If I hadn't caused that scene between Nate and Baizen that night, you and I would have had the hotel room."

"I never should have made Nate my escort that night to begin with," Blair replied, "I don't even know why I did."

"You and I were just fooling around," he reminded her.

"Was that really all it was back then?"

"No," he shook his head slightly, "But I know that's all you thought it was because I didn't have the courage to ask for more…I was scared out of my mind to ask for more."

"I wish I'd gone with you. I wish I'd had the courage to blow off what society expected of me, and gone with what I was feeling," she replied, "I shouldn't have cared because you have turned into the most wonderful man, so kind, so generous, so loving…"

Blair voice cracked as she began to break down.

Chuck gently extracted her finger from Charlotte's hand and then wrapped Blair up in his arms, rocking her gently. There wasn't anything he could say to take away her pain, even if he could decipher what she was so upset about.

"I think she's down for the night," Chuck whispered as he reached out to turn on the baby monitor so it could be heard from their bedroom, "Let's go to bed."

Blair nodded as she allowed him to guide her into the bedroom, took care to dress her in a nightgown before guiding her to bed, where he wrapped her up in his arms as he held her tight.

"So much better," Blair thought as she snuggled in closer. The funk she'd found herself in for most of the day was quickly evaporating as she was able to soak in her husband's love.

"So our first time was better than yours and Nate's, right?" he asked suddenly.

"So much better," she laughed out, "In absolutely every way."

"If you had to compare and contrast?" he pressed.

"Quit while you're ahead, Bass," she chuckled as she snuggled up against him, "If I start comparing, you might not like the outcome."

"I'm pretty sure I would, but…" he began before she covered his mouth with her hand.

"I married you," she reminded him, "That should tell you everything you need to know."

**The End.**


End file.
